a.
It
doesn’t matter if you are outnumbered by the goons attacking you, it doesn’t
matter what arsenal they use, you will always emerge the stronger
and the winner finally.
b.
Even
when you have been knocked out of your senses in the boxing ring, you will
somehow remember your mother’s words or the last vengeful words of your
opponent and return back to your foot to punch the heavy-weight champion to his
death.
c.
When
you are with the heroine and she suffers a minor sprain, you are readily
available to lift her (50+ kgs) in your Herculean arms and walk down the mountainous road
even. Real men find it difficult to lift a 14 kg cylinder..Huh!
d.
No
matter where you are when your lady is attacked, you practically emerge out of
thin air to fight the perpetrator (omnipresent??)
e.
No
matter how many girls he has slept with, the hero is always a good-hearted guy
and deserves to be forgiven. The other way round is out of question. She must
then be a vamp, not the heroine.
f.
In
a moment’s notice you must be ready to dance around trees in forests, in the
streets, atop stony mountains, in shopping malls to the disgust of the
onlookers. Do not forget to carry a few changes of clothes; you will need to
change your clothes for each frame, without a break in the dance and without the audience seeing you do so.
g.
Atleast
one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
h.
A
man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince
when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
i.
Even
when driving down a straight road, the steering wheel must be vigorously moved
from right to left and back.
j.
Bricks,
cans, drums, watermelons etc must be stacked/piled high up right in the middle
of the street or by the roadside when the man/lady loses control, brakes fail
or is chasing the bad guy.
 |
| Picture taken from www.bollywood10.blogspot.com |
k.
Even
when you are attacked unaware, you will always have a pistol hidden in your
back-pocket to fire at the goons. Mostly, it will also be loaded. At times you
will be able to fire more than the number of bullets it can hold. ;)
l.
The
man/woman always knows how to dance, sing (even in heavy rain) and kick-box.
Multitalented people!
m. When the man is in trouble with
the law, the lady always chips in to save him; she holds a degree in law, don’t
you know? (never mind that we never saw her practice or even study, until now.)
n.
The people in the movies never go to office,
they only go to colleges that look like Victorian castles wearing funky
dresses, impress the other sex, get out of college to go to “foren” or return from “foren” to fall in love or marry. Even if they are
businessman, they needn’t do any work. All their work is done for them by
others; so they are free to sing, dance, romance and fight.
o.
Finally,
some good news. The ladies are the healthiest lot in our country. They can
dance about in skimpy clothes, including chiffon sarees even in Alaska! They
have inbuilt immunity. But the men must be covered from top to toe, in jackets
and heavy leather boots. They badly need some Dabur Chyawanpraash! Hic, hic.
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