Bollywood: as you like it and I see it

a.       It doesn’t matter if you are outnumbered by the goons attacking you, it doesn’t matter what arsenal they use, you will always emerge the stronger and the winner finally.

b.      Even when you have been knocked out of your senses in the boxing ring, you will somehow remember your mother’s words or the last vengeful words of your opponent and return back to your foot to punch the heavy-weight champion to his death.

c.       When you are with the heroine and she suffers a minor sprain, you are readily available to lift her (50+ kgs) in your Herculean arms and walk down the mountainous road even. Real men find it difficult to lift a 14 kg cylinder..Huh!

d.      No matter where you are when your lady is attacked, you practically emerge out of thin air to fight the perpetrator (omnipresent??)

e.       No matter how many girls he has slept with, the hero is always a good-hearted guy and deserves to be forgiven. The other way round is out of question. She must then be a vamp, not the heroine.

f.       In a moment’s notice you must be ready to dance around trees in forests, in the streets, atop stony mountains, in shopping malls to the disgust of the onlookers. Do not forget to carry a few changes of clothes; you will need to change your clothes for each frame, without a break in the dance and without the audience seeing you do so.

g.      Atleast one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

h.      A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

i.        Even when driving down a straight road, the steering wheel must be vigorously moved from right to left and back.

j.        Bricks, cans, drums, watermelons etc must be stacked/piled high up right in the middle of the street or by the roadside when the man/lady loses control, brakes fail or is chasing the bad guy.

Picture taken from www.bollywood10.blogspot.com

k.      Even when you are attacked unaware, you will always have a pistol hidden in your back-pocket to fire at the goons. Mostly, it will also be loaded. At times you will be able to fire more than the number of bullets it can hold. ;)

l.        The man/woman always knows how to dance, sing (even in heavy rain) and kick-box. Multitalented people!

m.    When the man is in trouble with the law, the lady always chips in to save him; she holds a degree in law, don’t you know? (never mind that we never saw her practice or even study, until now.)

n.      The people in the movies never go to office, they only go to colleges that look like Victorian castles wearing funky dresses, impress the other sex, get out of college to go to “foren” or return from “foren” to fall in love or marry. Even if they are businessman, they needn’t do any work. All their work is done for them by others; so they are free to sing, dance, romance and fight.

o.      Finally, some good news. The ladies are the healthiest lot in our country. They can dance about in skimpy clothes, including chiffon sarees even in Alaska! They have inbuilt immunity. But the men must be covered from top to toe, in jackets and heavy leather boots. They badly need some Dabur Chyawanpraash! Hic, hic.

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Fair and lovely, naturally!

"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?"
And so asks the Queen in "Snow White and the 7 dwarfs"

We Indians are an obssessed lot. And some of our obsessions have taken a national form. Cricket, politician-bashing, fight against corruption, picking nose in public, spitting "paan" onto the road or the walls of  neighbour's houses or a public building. The list is endless or atleast long. Now we love colors don't we? We have a festival dedicated entirely to that cause. To celebrate colors. But our love for color extends to our skin tone too, sadly. That is where the problem starts(I don't know where it ends, we have too many problems as a nation). While the whites, blacks and yellows have been happily married to their colors, we the browns are constantly looking to brighten our tone, by a shade or two.

Fairness products available to Indian consumers

Open the Classifieds section on Sunday Times and you will come across innumerous ads seeking a "fair, beautiful, bride...." And cashing on in this obsession are the cream-selling companies. They promise to make one fairer by several tones, infact. Aah, miraculous indeed! If creams could enhance color, what do you think the entire continent of Africa and its populace have been doing for thousands of years?

Why can't we make do with the color we inherited? Why don't we understand that we are genetically disposed to have more melanin in our skin than the Europians and Americans? Where does this need for fairness arise? Back to the rat race. Well, if you need to get ahead of the others, then you must have "fair" skin. Because its been on demand since ages long. Fairness sells. Ask the stewardess of a certain airlines why she was rejected or the model trying to make it big on the ramp why she was dropped from a certain assignment. More often than not, it has to do with her skin tone.This discrimination is seen more in professions that focus on the looks. Beauty is more than skin-deep, ever heard of that? Amidst cries of foul play and racism by various organisations, the companies continue to sell dreams in the form of creams. And our heroes and heroines continue to endorse them without a hint of morality. Listen to SRK advising a dark guy to use "mard-o wali fairness cream." It's not okay for guys to be dark, that's his message. While he drew a lot of flak for this, you think he cares a hoot? We cry "racism, racism" every time an Indian is targeted outside our country while within the borders, we shamelessly continue to shove creams/lotions/powders down the throat of our own people after calling them "dark".

With the advent of consumerism and the metrosexual male, they have now come up with fairness creams designed specifically for men. Ughh! Imagine men spending hours standing in front of mirrors lathering their faces with dollops of those gooey stuff. It's one thing to be well-groomed, presentable and other to be effeminate. Exit the tall, Dark and handsome men. Enter the Fair and metrosexual variety. Didn't I say we are nationally obsessed with color, our obsession having crossed the boundaries of gender too. Enough to make a guy steal into a girl's room to lay his hand on that tube(or so they make you think). Don't you raise your eye-brows if you happen to read, "Required: a fair, handsome groom/steward...".

And I have known women who have fallen prey to such advertisements in the chase to fulfill their dreams and ended up with rashes and dark patches on their face, the result of prolonged use of such chemically loaded creams. If we can celebrate the different colors of holi, why can't we celebrate our own skin tone? And oh, a word of caution for my dear readers: when you apply the cream, please ensure you smother some on your necks and hands too. Else you may end up with uneven skin tones in your face and rest of the body, like John Abraham in the picture(above).

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Celebrating myself!

Guess with women's day round the corner, its time to throw humility into  the air for a while. So what’s that thing about myself I would want to celebrate? It’s the quality of being a woman. Celebrating myself is like saying “celebrating the woman in me”, because I am synonymous with womanhood.  I can be a daughter, a friend, a partner, a professional and mother all molded into one at the same time. Multiple role personality. Meeting the expectations of our families and making a career for oneself translates to donning several hats and juggling multiple roles, something I can do with ease. I celebrate that.

"The Woman"clicked by me in Pottery town, Bangalore.

Being a woman in a society that has been pre-dominantly male-centric isn't a joke by any means. There are the low-downs that come with it. During our growing up years we are taught that there are things we cannot do because we are woman. We are physically not as priviledged as our male counterparts. While biologically we may be a disadvantaged lot, there are aspects of a woman’s mental and phsychological attributes that are unique to a woman. We are a compliment to the other group, no less. There are things I can do, because I am a woman. I celebrate that knowledge and feeling about myself.

Women are incessantly laughed at for being irrational and lacking accountability but it is the woman who lends that humane touch to an otherwise dry world that is driven by logic and reason. I celebrate my compassionate nature and intuition which are the essence of being a woman.

I celebrate the feeling that comes with knowing who you are and what you stand for and standing for my rights as an individual. I am a modern woman who is understanding of her various roles and yet is assertive. In a society where women are expected to dress according to rules set by the other section, I represent a woman who knows it is not she who needs to dress “appropriately” but the other section who needs to change their "attitude".

Knowing my limitations while understanding the strengths and leveraging them to fulfil my dreams, makes me a quintessentially strong woman in today’s progressive world. I have learnt to enjoy myself and my life without being apologetic about it. I do get a few curious looks and "not-so-welcome" queries now and then, but I simpIy love being who I am. I celebrate me, in body and spirit. Cheers to me! 

This post has been written in response to the contest being hosted by "Women's web", http://www.womensweb.in/articles/celebrating-myself/

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